The experience of grief is like waves that, at first, comes with the fierceness of a tsunami overwhelming even the best swimmers. Sometimes we can barely see it coming and, like the tsunami, when it recedes it leaves nothing but a wreck, confusion, a complete mess, disorientation, and it takes something precious to us.
Those strong waves may come, again and again, every time they take down your walls and fill that void with anguish, sadness, and guilt. It may feel like you were pulled into the depths of the ocean, where there is darkness, and the only noise is the one of your beating heart. And like being underwater you may also feel that you cannot breathe; your mouth is dry; your muscles do not seem to obey your orders, they feel as if they did not belong to you. At some point, you may feel like there is no more fight in you… There is just a pain in your chest, a nought in your throat, a numbness that makes you want to stay where you are, in the dark depths of the ocean where there is only the beating of your erratic heart.
Suddenly that wave recedes, and you’re left there, at the beach, feeling lost and confused… Sometimes the waves are gentle, others they feel like cold claws that grab you and refuse to let go…
At first, when the first wave hits you, denial may take over, and every cell in your body refuses to acknowledge the fact that you have indeed…
